news is out: i'm brewing something in my tummy!

My apologies for being silent these last 3 months. I've been quietly brewing. It has been an interesting and exciting few months and although I have not been blogging, I have been jotting down my thoughts through it all so let me take snippets of it and share with you all; consider this the condensed version =)

Feb 13/08: The day I found out

Today my period should be here but it isn't. I'm trying to concentrate at work but it's so hard not to think, "am I pregnant?" I finally decide that I need to buy myself a pregnancy test to find out. Perhaps this could also be my present to Rob for Valentine’s Day. I read though the instructions, drank lots of water and ‘peed on a stick.’ I gave Rob the stick and he watched for the results. He noticed one line (indicating not pregnant) and then noticed a second line but kept it a secret for a few minutes before showing me two lines, indicating pregnant!! It’s so unreal because I really thought it would take us longer to conceive and you hope every month that this month would be it but assume that most likely it wouldn’t happen. And then it happens…

My estimated due date (without having seen the size and development of the fetus to determine) is October 21, 2008. It is so hard to imagine that we may be celebrating Christmas as a family of three.

February 24/08: My bout of sickness

Aaaahhh finally a night of reprieve… The last 36 hours have been pretty difficult. Waves of headaches and nausea have come upon me and I didn’t really know how to deal with it except to lie in bed and rest. I went back to visit the doctor again to ask about this and she diagnosed it to be a typical start of a flu minus the cold symptoms (sneezing, sore throat and runny nose). However, Rob and I think it is a mixture of the pregnancy sickness and a flu which is messing me up. It wasn’t until we went over to my parent’s place for dinner that my headache went away. Perhaps it was the homecooking that my body was looking for and got so now I am back to normal again?

March 3/08: Thoughts of amazement

Sometimes I get so overwhelmed thinking that inside me is a tiny little being that is rapidly growing and developing it’s amazing little body. What a creation; especially when I don’t feel any of this happening. I pray that all will be well and that our little one will have a strong heartbeat but I also realize that there may be a chance that things may not go as planned. In any case, this little one is a gift truly from God and no one else. I have faith that God has amazing plans for us and will be there to walk us through it all.

April 1/08: First Doc Appointment

Last Wednesday was our doctor’s appointment. They weighed me in at 118lbs so I have gained approx. 4-5lbs from my normal weight. He needed to take a swab test from down there and also wanted to check for the heartbeat. I was quite nervous for this as we have anxiously been waiting for this day to arrive. He squeezed some clear gel onto the doppler and rubbed it around my lower abdomen. We heard some sounds but he said it was my stomach and then we heard something…fluttering quick beats which he clarified was of the fetus. It was amazing to hear it and although I really don’t feel like there is another being inside me, it makes it more real to hear life inside.

Pregnancy symptoms lately:
-breathless when I walk up stairs/hills
-lower tailbone aches
-hungry hungry hungry
-frequent urination
-feel tired with less energy than my usual self
-bloated after I eat
-full and sensitive 'you know what'

On Friday, we decided to tell our parents. We had dinner at my parents and announced it during our dinner. I was happy to be able to share this with my grandma and everyone was happy. Then we went over and told Rob’s mom about it. I guess I can now look forward to the many warnings and phone calls about what to eat and what not to do

April 28/08: 2nd Doc appointment and the news is out!

I love touching my stomach and imagining the baby inside me. I also enjoy seeing my little bump forming. Our second visit with the doctor went well. The heartbeat was detected and the doctor confirmed that at 13 weeks, a detection of heartbeat brings the probability of a miscarriage down to less than 3%. The news is out and we are excited about it! There are lots of things ahead to think and plan for but right in this moment, we are just happy to enjoy the quiet brewings of our little fetus (about the size of a softball)

January 2008: I am back

After more than 6 months away from blogging, it is decidedly so that tonight would be the night I return. Yes this blog is still alive and I have been waiting for the opportunity of time along with a reflective state to start posting again. As you can also see, the blog has changed its look, name and feel. I felt it was only appropriate since I am no longer living in Tajikland and Rob is clearly not the writer in the family =P I feel so empowered to be writing again. It is such a release for my mind and soul. ahhh it's good to be back.

Life post-Tajikistan is indescribable. It left such a mark with me that up to now, I am unsure how I feel. I don't miss living in such terrible conditions, which from reading the article, (http://www.dailytimes.com.pk/default.asp?page=2008%5C01%5C30%5Cstory_30-1-2008_pg4_16), Tajiks are going through another terrible winter. There has been extreme cold temperatures recorded; freezing rivers are causing hydro stations to shut down due to low water levels. This means most cities and for sure villages will have only 1-2 hrs of power in a day. Gosh, that memory is still so vivid of how it was to live like that but let's not dwell on that shall we? I mean it is impossible to think of power and water cuts controlling your life and having to make that your #1 priority need to satisfy. Now, I barely think twice about whether I have power or water when I flip on a switch or turn on a tap. I disgress...I don't miss living there but the thought of friends and the memories of being there just makes me yearn to beam over to rekindle the senses.

I am living in a completely different paradigm since coming back to Vancouver. It's very typical of me I guess, to go from one extreme to another but again it's very atypical of most normal Canadians to have done what I did. The one thing I really desired once returning to my homeland was to find home and have some down time. I was tired of living in a suitcase (don't mind the simplicity but could lose the 'lugging' of suitcases) and tired of all the planning for all the crazy experiences and just wanted to relax and truly enjoy my life. How do I enjoy life you ask? Spend time with my dog, watching her jump around in the snow like a rabbit, taking walks with her and Rob and watching cheesy TV shows like Grey's and Cashmere Mafia (I know it doesn't add to the IQ but it sure is relaxing!














Now that we have settled down in Vancouver with our new home, I find myself being drawn to the world of home decor, getting new pieces of furniture and starting a herb garden! I am excited with the direction I am headed. No I am not going to be like my friends around the world who are working for World Vision in Pakistan, doing an internship with NATO or going to Liberia but I am so glad I have met them and support the work and path that they have chosen.

Owlthought: every direction you chose, every decision you make comes with it a package of benefits and sacrifices. It is a done deal. Does it mean you should avoid going big and beyond your comfort zone? Heck no, go with full force with no return and realize that it isn't always greener on the other side. But whatever you decide on, go with the flow and enjoy it. Life is too short to worry about whether the decision was a right one. Sometimes, you just need to make it and along with some divine intervention, voila, a journey with many adventures and memories to last an eternity.

Happy snowy January!

Never the same again

It’s Sunday, June 3 in the afternoon, a gazillion things racing in my mind since last night and prompted me to write probably my last post (for awhile anyways) on this blog. I have no idea if I will continue blogging here once I return home but have thoughts about continuing to blog on a regular basis as I’ve always enjoyed being able to place my thoughts into a neat and organized space in my life without having to write it in a journal (I type faster than I write.and there’s spellcheck hehe)

This past week was pretty quiet and not too interesting as I just wrapped up all that I had to do at MEDA and now I’m done! It’s not easy being able to encapsulate my time here at MEDA Tajikistan into a short paragraph. There is a lot of staff and I can’t say I had the chance to get to know everyone but there are a handful that I will surely miss…our conversations, laughter and working together. Everyone has been very helpful and did what they could to make my time here enjoyable and comfortable. I definitely think I lucked out as a MEDA intern here because I have met so many MEDA staff from Waterloo and MEDA Tajikistan has been a place where I have laughed the most and had such a great time in conversations. I will miss you all.

Rob is on the plane now and I will see him tomorrow morning at 9am at the airport. There are so many emotions inside me: excitement, nervousness, anxiety, anticipation and just plain waiting for tomorrow to come. I don’t even think I was this nervous right before our wedding! Anyways, I spent the morning focusing my energies into cleaning and getting the place spiffy clean plus doing what I could to pack away my stuff.

And thus brings me to other emotions swirling inside me; that the place I called home for nine months would soon to no longer be. Anyone who has picked up their lives and moved from place to place can understand that this is the most psychologically traumatizing thing to ever do to yourself. As you get older, it gets harder and more difficult. I never had any problems back in university when I studied abroad for eight months and then left. I knew my time at school was short term and it never bothered me to leave but for some reason, the last few places I’ve left from, the ties are stronger and I really feel like I’m uprooting myself.

Humans are like trees with roots and branches. We plant ourselves in one place and grow, develop roots into the land we belong to and sprout branches. When we decide to move, we uproot ourselves and this physical uprooting is tough, it hurts and roots are broken. But like trees, we also continue to live and through time, we establish our roots once again into the new soil. However, this process leaves us to be never the same again.

Last night, I finally finished the book, “Reading Lolita in Tehran”. Oddly enough, the author in the final chapters of her book writes about her departure from Iran to America. She goes through all the emotions and thought processes that I truly identified with as I too am about to leave Tajikistan, a place I called my temporary home. It stuck such a chord inside me that I had to read and reread certain passages in the book because it just evoked such a feeling, as if I was reading about myself at this very moment in my life. I had forgotten how amazing and great it is to read and the impact it has on our very soul. I must find time to do this more often =)

To end, here is a passage that truly gave me the ‘ah ha’ moment: (enjoy)

“Later, I showed the pictures we’d taken in those last few weeks to my magician.

You get this strange feeling when you’re about to leave a place, I told him, like you’ll not only miss the people you love but you’ll miss the person you are now at this time and this place, because you’ll never be this way ever again.”

We leave Tajikistan on June 14 from Dushanbe to Istanbul to begin a 2 week trip to Turkey and a bit of Greece. And another chapter of my live is written and forever tucked away in my memories.

Thank you to all who have prayed for us during this difficult time of being away from each other. We have done it! I ask for you to continue to keep us in your prayers for safety and health while we travel in the next month.

Love,

Rachel

~Love life, live with passion

TourMagination in Tajikistan

There was a weird phenomenon that occurred last week. We had an invasion of foreigners on Tajik soil and it was definitely fun and most of all, adventurous.

A tour group of approximately 20 people were visiting Uzbekistan and Tajikistan on what was themed the ‘Silk Road’ tour. MEDA Tajikistan coordinated all the activities and logistics for their week in Tajikistan which means I got a chance to get involve and be a tourist myself! Last Friday, we set off by car to Penjikent to pick up these tourists at the Uzbek-Tajik border. This drive is breathtaking but not an easy one through the Shakhristan mountain pass that hovers at a height of approx. 3500 m high and is about as rugged a road you could drive on. Sprinkle on hours of road closures due to dynamiting done by the Chinese and you have yourself one hell of an experience.

Altogether, I think our special guests really enjoyed and witnessed the reality of Tajikistan through the visiting MEDA project clients to having lunch with kids living in a sanatorium. I personally loved meeting everyone and having an opportunity to gabble on and on about my experience here and they truly wanted to learn and hear about this country. Thank you to Wilmer Martin from TourMagination and Ed Epp from MEDA who led the group and did not lose a single soul on this trip!

Click below to view photos from last week:

http://picasaweb.google.com/rwychin/TourMagination

Rae

Prayer for the Deceased...

40 Days, 40 Nights...

Tajik tradition for honoring their dead is 40 days long. Family members are required to stay at their home for 40 days straight to receive guests who have come to pay their respect. Women (and perhaps men) are expected to weep for 40 straight days. Men wear their traditional Tajik ‘chopon’ and ‘tupi teka’ and hang around outside their home to receive guests while the women stay inside. All guests are to go to the home to say a prayer for the deceased…

Why am I thinking about this? Well, in the past few weeks, I’ve witnessed a few of these proceedings and it is quite an affair. Can you imagine sitting at the office with the window wide opened and hearing screaming and crying resonating from outside all the while you are working? It is a very bizarre experience. What really stabs at the heart is when you hear that those dead are a 15 and 9 year old boys who have died from cancer. It’s devastating and once again proves that cancer is a universal disease. No man, woman nor child from all race and ethnicity are exempted from this horrendous disease.

Just this morning, I noticed many men at the same house where the funeral traditions were held and it turns out that tragedy has struck the family again with their grandmother also passing over the May Day holiday. A coworker told me that there is a saying here that goes like this, "grief does not come alone."

Prayer to the Deceased

Dear Heavenly Father;

May Your Hand lay upon those who have lost loved ones

in these past few weeks in Khujand;

Cover those with comfort and peace;

Strength to heal from such tragedies

and the ability to move forward in life;

Be the light for family and friends during this darkness in their lives.

In Jesus' holy and precious name, Amen