As we become older in age, we become younger

huh? What does that mean?

I first heard about this from the President of BCCHF. She said that when her kids were young, her life back then made her feel old but as her kids got older and less dependent of her, she slowly regained her youthfulness. Is this true?

Perhaps...Since going back to work full time, I am slowly getting used to the routine. Time is flying by, day goes to night and I watch not only the calendar year of 2009 coming to an end but even my daughter is a year old now. Wow...What I do realize is this period of my life is not really my life. I spend much of my time working and taking care of Sofia, which leaves very little 'me' time. I've been feeling a bit frazzled and withered, like a flower that needs some more water or fertilizer. I see young, fresh-faced girls around me and they have this energy and excitement for life and I look at myself and it's hard to summon up that energy on a daily basis. So although I may still look quite young, I definitely don't feel it anymore.

There are many aspects that cause this: lack of exercise, inability to be spontaneous, a life of routine and housework and being a mom. I think it comes with the package and I embrace this stage. I could probably get back into regular exercising and spending more time taking care of 'me'. I totally could use a haircut, a pedicure and a whole new wardrobe but these things have taken a backseat to other priorities. So is it true that my next decade of life will feel like i'm 50? Can we modify our life's direction to change this? I guess we'll see.

yay for 'me' time this weekend cuz Rob and I are heading to the States overnight to do some shopping!

Moments to remember

I was feeding Sofia in bed this morning and had an 'awww' moment when she took her hand and softly placed it over the top of my chest like she was holding a bottle. There was no scratching nor fist hitting this morning, just a relaxing feed between mother and child. This is what the books talk about how breastfeeding is an amazing bonding experience saved only for mother and child to enjoy. This moment is rare for us. It made me think, what are some other wonderful memories of Sofia these past 4.5 months?

'awww' moments:

-We spend a lot of time at the potty so it's a great time to bond with our little monkey. She loves sitting in front of the mirror and conversing with us and has even looked up a few times to see who's behind her. I love that we can encourage and praise her for peeing in her potty and she knows it too. Her face lights up with glee when we say, 'oh you pee pee in your potty!' and give her a kiss on the head.

-Toothless grin and squinty eyes together when she chuckles and smiles. When she does this, she looks exactly like her daddy when he was a baby =) I've also taken some cute pics of her when she's crying, with her mouth wide open and squinty eyes.

-Morning naps in our bed. After her feed, she drifts off to sleep on her side. It is such a wonderful time to be able to lie beside her, protecting and watching her sleep peacefully next to you.

-When I go into her room in the morning, I just love seeing her big smile from seeing her mommy (or daddy). Even in the dark, i can see the eyes and mouth smiling gleefully.

-I came home and heard Sofia crying. I walked into the living room and as soon as she saw me, her crying expression quickly changed to an excited wide-eyed, hands shaking, smiley girl. It's good to feel wanted. I'm her MOST important person in her life right now and I've got to enjoy it before mommy becomes #2 or #3...

-Now that she's more sturdy, I love grabbing her and hugging her tightly, swing her up and down and dance with her around the house. What a beautiful age she's in right now. Oh so huggable!!

There is just not enough time in a day to sit, reflect upon and blog about my thoughts. I'm sure that as she gets older and has less naps, that this reflection time will soon fade as well. Sigh...

stunning photo...we will never understand

I have been struggling from the trauma of the stitches I received after childbirth. I don't feel the stitches on the outside but there is still discomfort on the inside so last week, I went to visit my OB to get it checked out. Turns out there is some scar tissue that healed funny so she had to remove some of it. She also mentioned that my muscles were so tight and tightened even from the slightest touch (due to the trauma I guess). I know that this will be a challenge to get through the mental fear of pain which is the cause of the tightening and discomfort. Not an easy task to overcome.

And then I came across the above photo and article from the NY Times which talked about these young women living in Tanzania who developed fistula, an internal injury due to prolonged labor which leaves them incontinent (can't hold their pee). Such injuries don't happen in the developed world nowadays as c-sections are more prevelent to prevent birthing of large babies or wrong positioning which make it dangerous for the baby and mom. However, as the story goes, these women do not have the option of c-sections so develop fistulas and are shunned by society. How sad that in today's modern world, such incidents still occur. Read the article if you aren't too grossed out by the topic.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/24/health/24hospital.html

Moments of reflection

Happy 2009!

Last year was all about being pregnant, watching so many babies grow up in a blink of an eye, experiencing the birth of our little girl, Sofia and becoming parents for the rest of our lives. It's a daunting and challenging stage we have come to but it will be good. When it was just Rob and I, we were a couple. Now with Sofia, it actually feels more like a family, our own little family of three. No longer are we just a couple but have additional role of being a parent!

New years are all about starting over, setting goals and new beginnings. We received a gift from our good friend Aaron. When we opened it, we found that he had given us a copy of a book he wrote! I remember when he first mentioned he wanted to write a book way back when and now in our hands was his very book. I'm pretty proud that he's accomplished what he set his mind to and it's quite inspiring. The book may or may not be a bestseller but the point is he did it! He's left the world a piece of his legacy. It is one of the reasons why I've kept up with this blog. It's not only a moment in time where I can type in my own thoughts and reflections but it's my very own legacy in the online community to be kept for as long as blogger is around. Perhaps one day down the road, I'll decide to look back and reminisce at the times.

I look forward to 2009 and watching Sofia's many 'firsts'. She is two months now and 11 lbs 6ozs. Her neck is a bit more sturdy, her cheeks round and chubby and she has a cute double chin! She's much more alert now and smiling and cooing at us and her favorite froggie mobile that hangs over her change table.

We started the new year with a slight downer because Sofia seems to have a tummy problem due to some bad milk we gave her last night in a bottle. She's been pooing after every feed since last night and we even noticed some blood this afternoon. We got worried so rushed to the Children's clinic and waited to see a doctor. Luckily, she slept the whole time and after what seemed like 2 hours, we were told she should be ok. We're going to keep an eye out this weekend and if things don't improve, we'll take her to the family doctor on Monday. We (esp me) felt bad that somehow we caused her to get sick. I felt terrible. I can't imagine how I would feel if she was even more sick. Somehow as parents, I think it's important for us to be strong for the child and not to be so hard on what we could have or should have done differently. Rob is correct in saying there's no use in dwelling on what's happened but to let it go and consider it a learning experience.

We have much to learn...